A great summer love affair

I used to believe that nothing could ever go my way...that I could only dare to dream I would ever have the courage to realise what I really wanted and that I could actually make it happen. But when everything is suddenly turned on its head, and when things that you thought were once solid and even touchable, become so dilluted and out of reach...you then realise that you can make things different.

I've had an interesting year. Met some fantastic people, made a new life, fallen in love, been drunk a lot, cried, stressed, loved, hugged, kissed, moved house, become independant, risked a beautiful relationship, decided I hate my course and was living a life I should rather than one I loved...slept, wept, ate and cried some more. And at the end of it all, despite everything, I think I've finally made a little head way.

Belfast is beautiful. Scary and big, but entirely beautiful. Coming from an island, anything apart from a small town is immense and overwhelming, but I think I needed to feel so out of my depth. I had to be plunged into a manic city to realise what I have and what I want, and even though it hasn't all worked out 'to plan', it has allowed me to be able to make my own decisions and discover how important the little things are. University is not the breezey, carefree ride most people think...and I realise that now. You have to want it...you have to be ambitious and commited and I wasn't either. And walking into a class full of students laced with the excitement of graduation and 'the next big read', you kinda realise that you don't fit in when you sit at the back and just wish for a Starbucks, a little David Gray and anything apart from books. But it hasn't been wasted. From any experience comes the chance for change and the chance to become brave and to follow what your gut tells you.

Sitting on the bed with my sister, listening to the summer rain and watching the drips slide down the window, I feel a sense of gratitude about how things have turned out. A lot of my uni friends have blogs and write about what an amazing year they've had, and I kinda feel on the outside. Like I don't belong. But I don't think it matters. I've realised how much I love home...despite the nagging mothers : ). I am so lucky to have such brilliant friends, the most gorgeous sister anyone could wish for, and to have someone who is happy to hold my hand and watch me unfold. And i'm lucky to have been giving another chance. This year is about finding me, and who I am. My ex once said...'you can't answer anything because you don't know who you are yourself'.

So here goes.


Lets unleash the real Mary on the world and see what happens. : ).